The Noise Factor

Sorry for the lateness of this.  Haven’t exactly seen a computer much since yesterday so bare with me here…

ShooterB:

First off, congrats to Canada’s own Frank Dancevic…who made a strong run in the Rogers Masters tennis tournament in Montreal.  He made it an exciting event, and came up just short against Rafael Nadal.  I’ve got nothing humorous to say about him, he did a great job.
 
But it does raise a few questions…
 
Where is Dancevic on the list of famous Canadian celebrities?  Was his recent performance enough to put him where no man should ever go - on top of Celine Dion?  Just please don’t tell me that he’s under Bryan Adams.

- Dancevic is a Tennis player.  He is well under Dion and WAY WAY under Adams.  Tennis players in Canada are in need of improvement.
 
While watching some of the tennis action in Montreal, I was surprised to see a few hotties in the Canadian crowd.  Are there really beautiful women like that in Canada, or are they imports from Sweden and Brazil?

- Montreal has amazing women under 35.  After 35 they get crusty because they smoke a lot.  That’s what they do there.

FlyingPig

Hello Danniel my friend.  You know, everyone loves to make fun of you Hosers
from the North.  Being born of a Canadian Mother, I often get offensive with
all of the poop that gets flinged at ALL OF YOU and HALF OF ME.  I can see
some Yanks sitting back and flicking boogers at you JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A
HOSER…and it’s not fair.

However, there is much to be said about the ongoing jokes about the Canadian
Military.  In fact, can we really call it a military?  I would say it’s more
along the lines of the Boy Scouts, eh?  The jokes about the Canadian Navy
consisting of two pontoon boats, four row boats an canoe and the wood door
that Leonardo DeCaprio died on in The Titanic.  The stories about the
Canadian army getting lost in the desert?  Naw…I’ll stop now.

Because the Canadians have recently done something for the war effort that
TRULY exemplefies the Spirit of Canada and the personality of
Hosers…errrr…Canadians.

Prime Minister Harper and the Canadian House of Commons have just approved
the shipment of Aid to war torn Afghanistan.  IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!!  Yes, how
about a little help over here Canada!!!  You sit back and bitch and moan and
complain about gas prices but you’re not willing to help.  FINALLY Canada
gets up off it’s asses and sends a little AID to the war efforts.

WHAT KIND OF AID YOU ASK?

The Canadian government, responding to calls for international relief, has
endorsed a foreign aid package that will send 400,000 cans of refreshing
Canadian beer to war-torn Afghanistan.
You hosers are alright!!!
- I had a good response to this on the podcast - hope it gets up before Saturday:

http://chevpodcasts.blogspot.com/

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You ever find yourself walking through a cloud?  Where your mind needs to be somewhere and it’s somewhere else?  Well that is what an athlete cannot do.  An athlete is trained physically to be the best possible, only to have their mind be as focused as it can be.  Guess what sport you can find this example to ring true?  Any guesses??

Golf.

The PGA Championship was another Tiger Woods butt-whipping thanks to his mental game being as sharp as ever and his physical game being in peak form.  What did you see this weekend?  A guy who took the lead and allowed everyone else around him to collapse at his feet.  Scott Verplank.  Stephen Ames.  Just a couple guys who seemed to unravel while being paired with Woods.  This, of course, was following Rory Sabbatini who completely tanked under pressure and handled himself poorly when a fan pulled Rory’s punk card from under him.  

It’s hard to comeback to win a tournament when the guy in front isn’t making many mistakes.  Ask Tiger, he knows that his comeback victories in majors sits at zero.  But one thing we do know is he’s been close to taking a major that wasn’t his only to see the eventual winner find a way to shut the door.  He has simply sent a message to everyone in the PGA and they haven’t got a clue how to answer it.

Just like nobody has a clue as to how the Pittsburgh Pirate fans can cheer for Barry Bonds this past weekend.  I am not saying it was the wrong thing to do but let me put you into the same setting I was in back in 2001…

I was 18 years old on a road trip with my father and brother as we visited the brand-new PNC Park.  What a beautiful park it was - simply incredible.  We walked around for a bit and noticed banners dedicated to some of the great Pirate players of the past.  We get to the 80’s and 90’s banners and we see guys like Doug Drabek, John Smiley, Andy Van Slyke, Bobby Bonilla…where’s Barry?  Where is the 2-time MVP?  Why isn’t he on here?  Does Pittsburgh hate him that much?  That is what I thought back in 2001.

Apparently, Pittsburgh changed their tune this weekend.  But here is a tip: Give him his due when he’s earned it - like being part of those banners that commemorated the best Pirate players of each decade.  If you don’t, that sends a message that you hate everything about the guy.  That said, cheering for him in what could be his final season in the big leagues is pretty lame.

What is also lame is stalking a former girlfriend when you are already "happily" married.  You are an idiot.  You are a coach of an NCAA basketball program that has improved as of late.  You should show your young men a better example than to be some cheating husband who can’t stand being away from that piece that you only appreciated for those moments you weren’t with your wife.   Great work coach, way to mess up your entire life by eliminating moral standards in your own life.

Speaking of coaches, I’d be very impressed to see Pat Riley try to coach through one season without missing a game.  I’d like to see if he can stay on the sidelines for 82 games plus playoffs for one season, let alone 3 seasons.  What’s going to be the difference?  More grease in the hair means more energy on the floor?  This will be interesting to see and I like Riley.  But if he thinks he can go 3 years it’s time to show us.  Showtime.

And stop showing me hockey coverage in Canada.  It’s August 14th - I don’t care about hockey right now.  The only concern in the NHL right now is why nobody has signed Peter Forsberg.  Yes he is injury-prone, but he still scores a point-per-game.  The man is still dangerous and can be a huge threat for any team.  If you have any cap space left and you have a great team, sign him.  Let him play 50 games, he’ll score 55-60 points and have him fresh in the playoffs.  Otherwise, I don’t need to see the Toronto Maple Losers play in pre-pre-season.  Show me the damn baseball highlights and get on with it.

The Dan is back.  Good to be back.  Felt like a dead man walking for over a week. 

www.chevradioam.com

www.myspace.com/chevradio 

Podcasts of Deeley-O 
 

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Gotta make this quick…sorry I was late tonight:

Miracle:

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but a couple of the
higher profile players selected in this years NFL
draft, Brady Quinn and JaMarcus Russell, have held
out of their respected teams(wait scratch that,
Raiders aren’t respected) have held out of their
teams training camps.

Quinn has recently signed after the Browns caved into
his demands. His agent or his grandmother told him
the 22nd pick in the draft should get “top ten” money.

And Russell remains at a fat camp holding out for
more money than he’s worth.

My question, do you have that same problem in the
CFL? Or are the players so grateful that they don’t
have to wear the Tim Horton’s smock anymore that they
are signed and in camp on time?

- Because our draft is the Canadian draft, they sign right away because they know Americans that are cut from the NFL will take their spot, so the incentive to sign right away applies to those in the Canadian draft.

Smoketheblowfish:

Sorry for not giving you tidbits of my comedic geniusity for the
past few weeks, work’s been a 10 on the sucks-to-be-me-meter.  I have
been attempting to listen to the show.  Missed shooter, pig and miracle
on Frank’s show last night, I wish that I had the time to call in.
Anyhow, amidst my personal sadness (not being able to give my blogging
amigos the time of day), I have accumulated a few Deely-Os………….  

During
the recent Canadian Open, I noticed that the pro golfers were using
golf balls that seemed larger than the ones we use here in the states.
If Canadian balls are larger than American balls, are your holes also
bigger too?

- Yes.  Which is why Canadians suck large in golf when they play with regular hole sizes. 

Are there different rules too?
Say for instance, your tee shot gets stuck in the side of an
igloo….can you get relief on the nearest Moose Pelt without penalty?
Do Canadian golfers keep extra balls under their tartans? If so, do
they go in front or back?

- Front.  Makes their set look bigger.  The back makes it look less manly.  And your relief is 1.5 igloo cube length away for a drop. 

I just
visited the website of Richard’s Tartan Shop and noticed some pretty
cool brooooches. Ever hear of anyone accidentally stabbing themselves
in the noots with a brooch while golfing?

- No.  Never heard of anything like that.

  Shout out to the Pig! (funky white-boy pose…..and flex)  

Later Dan, all love goes out to everything Canadian!

- Thanks Smoke.  Thanks for checking in…

ShooterB

Dan, about my Deeley-O contribution today…I have to apologize. 
Just like I told Big Bertha last night, I’m sorry I didn’t have more
time to give you something better.   Anyway, thought I could fire one question at you.   Regarding
your newfound obsession with talking in the third person, where did
this all start…and which of the following is your favorite third
person statement?   - The Dan loves him some midget porn.

- The Dan just fired an epic sewer serpent.

- (in a bar to pick up a lady) The Dan thinks you would make one sweet sausage jockey.

- The Dan just finished watching the late night Showcase Revue on Skin-e-max, and his pants are as wet as an otter’s pocket.

…well, I’d say sausage jockey because I’d actually have the stones to say it.

- Tune in tomorrow between 9-noon EST on www.chevradioam.com. 
 

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The fine line of a typical blog on Foxsports will have to do with sports.  As a person who has been posting since December of 2005, I firmly believed that this site was well-suited for sports writing and nothing else.  Any non-sports blog could be written on your own time, on your own blog or in your own diary.  Non-sports had no place on this site as far as I was concerned.

However, the question of this post asks, "What is a blog?".  Wasn’t a blog specifically made to be a place for people to write about their thoughts, feelings and everything else in between?  Wasn’t a blog created for other people to see your writing, your stories and make friends in the process?  I would have to think so. 

With that said, I am not going to vent on this blog about non-sports.  As much as I’d love to just bare my soul on the site, I’ll leave that to close personal friends while I use this site to build our common thread - Sports.  Sports is our link to eachother.

Where I may still live by the idea that every blog on this site ought to be about sports, I will understand why someone decides to post a non-sports entry on their blog.  This is our blog and we can do, within reason, anything we want.  That is why Fox has given us the power of censorship and the choice to choose.  Then again, there have been blogs ripped off the site for reasons that should have already been adressed based on the rules given to us on this site as is. 

Sometimes one thing can make you change your outlook on certain aspects of life.

Final note: I pumped up my first segment of my show today, only to have my PODCAST NOT SAVE ON ME!!!!!  So unfortunately I can only replay the show around 5PM EST.  So if you want to tune in (and I was pretty emotionally charged this morning), check it out at www.chevradioam.com.  Again, sorry for the inconvenience and I hope to have it posted on podcast later on this week.  DEELEY-O Thursday, and I have an interview with Frank Irizarry of Foxsports.com Blogger show tomorrow at 10 AM (Wednesday). 

Good day.

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Blog-Nation is blowing up in strength.  I don’t think we’ve ever been this strong before.  We are getting more recognition for our efforts and for people like us who love sports, it’s absolutely positive.  Meanwhile, I’m just doing my thing up here and I appreciate your support.

Here are the entries from today’s show, which was strong yet again… 

Lisa4USC:

1. Is the CFL getting ready for Michael Vick, and if so, have all the hookers been given mugshots of him so they can recognize him on the spot?

- Doubt the mugshots will fit in their small leather purse that matches their leather hooker boots.  It only contains cash, mace, pepper spray and the sponge.

2. Can you give me the NYSE symbol for Canada’s largest condom maker? I am thinking of making a huge stock purchase in Canadian condoms. I think there could be an upward swing soon.

- Couldn’t even tell you the name of Canada’s top condom producer.  I have one kind that I’ve fallen in love with and the ladies haven’t complained.  Here’s a hint Lisa: You could mistake me for a USC guy thanks to this brand.

Miracle:

Dear Dan

Due to it’s lenient drug testing policy and it’s
ability to look the other way concerning athletes
criminal past present and future, it’s time for the
CFL to expand!

Like hockey they need to expand into the continental
United States.

The roster you ask, well there will be no problem
fielding a team chocked full of criminally plagued
misfits. I know what you’re thinking “Tom Wright said
the league will bar players suspended from the NFL
starting in 2007” and to that we say “Take off aye”.

You know the names, Rickey, Packman, Tank, Ookie(M
Vicks nickname) Chris Henry. To save time instead of
listing other Bengals that have done time or are
suspended, just take the entire roster and plug those
other players in.

We will also have our own band of misfit
cheerleaders, of course made up of troubled debutants
who just can’t stay out of trouble. You may recognize
the some of the names Lindsay Lohan, Spears, Hilton,
Heidi Fleiss, Yasmine Bleeth, and Tawny Kitaen.
(Make sure that fans in the first three rows are up
to date on their shots, or maybe they should cover
themselves in plastic like they were at a Gallagher Show)

I know what you’re thinking, we need to give this
band of misfits a name. We have to keep these hosers
in the US so let’s probe the border towns.
1. Buffalo Beeatches (pronounced “be atch es”
2. Cleveland Clam Jousters
3. Oswego Fudge Packers
4. Syracuse Swallows
5. Detroit Scepters
6. Muskegon Mutton Muskets
7. Toledo Tail Gunners
8. Rochester Rosen-Hosers
- Now hold up Miracle, where was Nicole Richie, Mischa Barton, Ashlee Simpson, Tara Reid, The Go-Go’s, Kim Kardashian and the female cast of Laguna Beach?  Can’t we add more to this?  We’ll need more to fill out all the teams.  I will say I’m a big fan of the Syracuse Swallows.  And how did you know about Gallagher?  Nevermind.

ShooterB:

OK, Dan.  A while back, Eric Rosenhek (who I’m surprised actually showed up for work today) claimed to be disappointed with one of my Deeley-O segments…stating that it was "too clean".
 
Rosenhoser, this Deeley-O is for you!!!
 
1)  When Canadian men proposition Canuck women, which of the following pick-up lines do they use?

• "Would you like to see my beaver cleaver?"
• "For a decent tug, I’ll mow your rug."
• "For a buck you can…meet the Little Dan."

- I would pick the tug-and-rug plug.

Or do you recite a romantic poem to your women such as this:
 
"Can I interest you…
In some mystery goo?
My cement spiller,
or some canyon filler?
A little love juice…
from the big red goose?
Some jerkin’ jelly…
for your empty belly?
A trouser treat…
chock full of meat?
If any of this should interest you…
Give me a call @ 1-800-STRANGE-GOO."

- Nevermind, the poem will work on any respectable young woman who has tremendous self-respect and is not self-conscious about herself.  Golden!
 
2)  Thanks for mentioning on your blog that hosers enjoy a little late night Showcase Revue.  You have to tell us, what is your favorite skin flick? 
 
- The Witches of Breastwick
- Caddy Shag
- Star Whores
- Monty’s Python and the Holy Snail Trail
- Silence of the Lamb Cannons
- White Men Can’t Hump
- Other

- All honesty, it would be Emmauelle.  But today I said "Face Jam", one of my favourite titles EVER.

…We have too much fun every Thursday and you can join in.  We don’t discriminate, even if we haven’t seen eye-to-eye on issues.  So take a shot in the dark (insert male orgasmic joke here) and send an e-mail to chevradionoise@gmail.com.  Better yet, tune in to www.chevradioam.com between 9AM-Noon EST daily.  We’re off this Monday but tomorrow I’m loading up.  No pun intended.  Cheers y’all!   

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You may be wondering what in the world "Showcase Revue" is.  Well for those of you who plan on checking in to tomorrow’s "What’s The Deeley-O" for blog day on BTN (9-Noon at www.chevradioam.com), I have now given you some new material.

Showcase Revue: A movie shown on the channel "Showcase" in Canada which is guaranteed to feature nudity, sexuality, and maybe violence and coarse language.  These movies are played in the late hours.  Think borderline soft core porn.  

Examples of movies that would be played are: Basic Instinct, Crash (1990’s version), Red Shoe Diaries, Shakespeare in Love, etc….you get the point, Canadians can be sick puds too.

With that said, we’ll move on to the other "revues"…

Author Sam Moffie contacted me about 3 weeks ago about his sports/sex novel "SWAP".  When he contacted me he eluded to the time two New York Yankee players decided to swap wives back in the 1970’s.  This book involved that kind of swap, but it really dug deep into the sex lives of two couples and the sex lives of those around them.  I ripped through the book in about 4 nights and this was the first fiction book I had read since High School.  I prefer to read books that are either autobiographical or non-fiction but I must say that I was thoroughly entertained by Sam’s book.

If you are a big fan of baseball and love to read about sexual intercoarse then this is the book for you.  Check out Sam’s website at: www.samsstories.com.  You will find the book to be interesting if you happen to take a look at it.  If Sam is reading this post, I thank you once again for sending me a copy of the book.

Staying away from sex but keeping with the swapping theme…

The Atlanta Braves were the runaway winners of the trade deadline deal this year.  Mark Teixeira is not only there to help the Braves reach the post-season but he could be the man that replaces Andruw Jones in the cleanup hole.  Tex is only 27 years old and he’s proven to be a masher.  If they lock him up or trade him to another team they will get a lot.  Once Chipper is gone this team could have Tex, Jeff Francouer and Brian McCann as their stud hitters for many years to come.  Also, the pickup of Octavio Dotel was big.  They needed an extra guy in the bullpen that can dominate and Dotel can still bring it. 

Speaking of bullpens, Boston’s pen is absolutely unreal with the addition of Eric Gagne.  Remember when they had a terrible bullpen back in 2003?  Well those days are long gone as they will shut down opponents anytime the pen is called upon.  Their main rival, New York, decided their bullpen was ok so they shipped Scott Proctor for the great Wilson Betemit.   Not exactly the marquee player you would expect the Yankees to get.   He can play about 5 different positions but does that help your bullpen?  No. 

If Juan Rivera does not come back this year, the Angels of Anaheim will have made a mistake not grabbing someone.  Having Bartolo Colon dinged and Ervin Santana dropped to AAA did not help their trading leverage either.

If Johan Santana was completely lights out in the playoffs during his career then I would agree with his statements.  He hasn’t, so the next time he wants to get out of round 1 I suggest he pitch better than 1-3 and a 3.97 post-season era.  But we know what that outburst was all about: getting paid and looking like the victim while laughing straight to the bank.

Kenny Lofton is nice and we expected him to be traded eventually but doesn’t Cleveland have a pitching problem?  They just sent Cliff Lee to the minor leagues and Jeremy Sowers is looking more like Josh Towers than Jeremy Bonderman.  Jake Westbrook also might want to pitch as if he deserved a fat contract.

Has Kyle Lohse ever met expectations?  Or has he turned into the next Jason Bere?  Sorry, that was a low blow to Bere who was a legitimate All-Star once.

Where’s Prior and Wood?

Nevermind.

***Tomorrow is YOUR DAY Bloggers so tune in between 9AM-Noon EST at www.chevradioam.com.  What’s The Deeley-O will be at 11:05 AM so check in with an e-mail at chevradionoise@gmail.com.  Would love to hear from you.

In the meantime, Frank Irizarry’s foxsports.com blogger show begins in about 3 hours.   Get in and get it.

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