The Noise Factor

This week has been slack for yours truly so I want to take the time frame I have today to talk about some random events occuring everywhere in sports…

- Last Sunday: Chicago v. Chicago had an interesting play which exposed baseball and it’s commentators who know nothing about the game.  When you watch basketball or football games you generally hear a color commentator know exactly what’s going on with a random play and why a call was made.  Well in this baseball game the commentators didn’t know and neither did the sports guy on the desk in Toronto knew either.  That also means nobody in that network knew it either.  Because I still umpire, I can clear that play up easily:

The runner collided with the shortstop at second base in an attempt to go to third, which is interference.  A defensive player cannot make contact with a runner as he/she is still running, whether they are running from one base to another or going back to a base when the fielder is not attempting a play. 

The White Sox got the runner on 3rd base in a rundown and got him out, as well as the guy between first and second.  So instead of 2 outs, all runners were sent back because of Juan Uribe’s stupidity around the bag at second base.  But here is where the commentators and Toronto sports network dropped the ball…

The desk idiot said the play should have been called dead which is absolutely false.  The play must play out because if there was an overthrow and a runner scores on that play, the play stands.  Best example I can give you is this: When a defensive player is offside in football, do they give the offense a free play?  Yes.  So if Peyton Manning throws a TD does it count?  Yes.  If they call the play dead while Marvin Harrison is wide open I would bet the Colts would be really ticked right?  Well, the same rings true with baseball as that kind of play warrants the teams to finish the play before making the call.  If the team committing the foul benefits, the umpires will not let them.  But if the team being hindered benefits with the play continuing, the play will stand and the call would be null and void. 

The Chicago commentators we’re yelling about the game being played under protest.  "Hell yeah this game will be played under protest!".  Great, too bad your team will lose the protest.  As for the network in my neck of the woods, not having one person in that building sure about this call means they are not taking their sports not named hockey serious enough.

- Frank Thomas is a hall of famer regardless of playing more games at DH than First Base.  His statistics at first base were incredible during his time.  Ken Griffey may have been a better homerun hitter and Barry Bonds may have been the best all around player during Thomas’s prime, but was there a more dangerous hitter than Frank?  He was one of the first in our time to personify the importance of challenging for the Triple Crown.  He was Albert Pujols before Albert Pujols, and Big Hurt’s On-Base Percentage was always high.  He would have played more first base had the DH rule not existed and probably would have ended his career a few years back.  And even then I thought he was a Hall of Famer because of the dominance he had during the prime of his career.

- I don’t care about his career batting average being 12 points better than the average second basemen or the fact that he just got to 3000 hits, Craig Biggio is no better than Barry Larkin who will not go to the Hall of Fame.  Biggio has to be credited for his longevity in the game of baseball, but the Hall of Fame is a bit extreme.  Look, he is a guy you’d have on your team in a second and would love to have him without a doubt.  He has been a very good player and second baseman, but the Hall of Fame?  I realize he’s as solid as they come and his consistency is incredible but when I think of solid players at their position I think of Biggio as a Barry Larkin.  I also think if Biggio gets into the Hall of Fame then an argument can be made for Jeff Bagwell, who’s impact for Houston was felt just as much as Biggio’s. if not more.  If solid is another way to get in, then the Fred McGriff hype-train should start now.  And let’s also remember that the best second basemen during Biggio’s time were Roberto Alomar and Jeff Kent.

- The Boston Celtics got one of the best pure shooters of our time, Ray Allen.  The guy can absolutely stroke the rock and despite his ankle surgery he should still be more effective than the next option Boston has.  Only problem I saw with the trade involving them and Seattle is this: What will Seattle do with 3 point guards who are neither great or bad, and which ideal shooting guard will Boston move to play the point.  Each candidate are better suited at the 2 but they feel one of them can play the point.  Otherwise they would not have traded Delonte West. 

- Great move by Charlotte to get Jason Richardson.  The guy is very underrated and he’s the best dunker I’ve ever seen.  Vince Carter may get all the hype but remember that J-Rich did all of Vince’s dunks with greater difficulty and without a helper in the 2003 and 2004 slam-dunk contests.  And before last season J-Rich had improved his game every single year until injuries derailed his season last year.  If he’s healthy he should thrive in the East.

- If Rashard Lewis goes to the Miami Heat you can pencil them in as the favourites to win the East Conference (keywords: East Conference).

- Good morning KG and Kobe.  How are you gentlemen feeling this morning?

- To anyone that is from or currently resides in Kansas City: Can you guys and gals honestly support an NHL franchise.  I’m really curious as to why the NHL would like to have a team in that market.

…If I don’t get the chance to say this tomorrow, I wish Canada a happy 140th birthday on July 1.  Have a great long weekend my fellow Canadians! 

1 Comment

I am in a big hurry so if you want to check out the answers just click on this link and then click on "CHEV Podcasts" on the left side of our homepage: CHEV Radio

FlyingPig:

Welcome back Eric.  Dan bombed while you were gone!!!

Here are my questions for this weeks edition.  By the way, I’m running out
of crap on Canucks but I’ll do my best.  OR…I could just go back and
resubmit my earlier Deeley-O questions and see if your responses are the
same.

1.      Is it true that Canadians refer to any beer under 5% alcohol as
"NEAR-BEER"?
2.      Can you guys take Alanis Morresette back?  She’s not much fun now
that she’s no longer an angry lesbian.
3.      Is it a requirement that all Canadians must name at least one of
their sons GORDON or GORD or GORDIE?
4.      Is the number one television show in Canada, "Degrassi"?

Canuck Joke:

A Canadian finds a lantern on a beach and starts rubbing it clean and a
genie appears. The genie grants the Canadian 3 wishes.

Of course the Canuck says:  "I could use a nice cold beer" and POOF the guy
has an ice cold Labbatt and starts drinking it.  The genie asks what his
other wishes are and the Canuck says, "Just let me finish my beer and I’ll
get to it."

The genie is a bit impatient and tells the Canadian that the beer is
bottomless and will always remain FULL and ICE COLD!!!

The Canuck, in disbelief says…"WOW, give me TWO MORE!!!"

- And then FP gave me a pic with a couple getting married Canadian-style.  Obviously, it involved Beer.

Miracle:

I feel that Eric has been avoiding the show on
Thursdays in hopes that we would forget about his
“scepter muscles” comment. Well we haven’t, we’ve
tried to hammer you over the past two weeks but you
haven’t even been there. Sort of like the first time
you tuned your banjo, nobody was there.

But enough about being negative about the situation,
I think I’ve turned it around into a positive.

It’s not often that we get to add a new word or
phrase into modern culture, but today is the day.
Lisa4usc has built upon Eric’s original word
“scepter”, and I have formulated a definition for
this new and exciting term. It has been submitted to
the Milkinfirst.com Profanisaurus for the whole world
to see.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Canadians, I give you
“Scepter Folder”

Scepter folder v, The act of hiding one’s Lamb Cannon
betwixt the legs in an attempt to deceive others into
thinking you are a female. Similar to the “Tuckunder”
of Ray Finkle.

Congratulations Eric! Merriam Webster look out.

- Eric is absolutely pumped about the possibility of this word getting popular with the mainstream audience. 

Again, just click on the Podcast link on our homepage.

Smoketheblowfish has already submitted the first Deeley-O for July 1 week early (or 20 minutes late to this week but who cares!?  He’s a blog legend so we’ll give him his props).

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Just kidding :).  As if The Dan could come up with a legitimate argument seeing that I barely watched him growing up.  Oh yeah, I saw him in his last 2 seasons trying to play with a shuffled deck of vertebrae.  I thought that would be a funny title - hope you laughed.

Now to the serious stuff.

- Chris Benoit - Yes, the guy has gotten more attention for stupidity than he ever did during his wrestling career but that’s because there is a lot of shock-value to this story.  Who would kill their wife, kill their son, chill in the house with the dead corpse and then decide to lop his own throat?  Are we kidding here?  All we needed was a kid in the house to say "I see dead people.  No seriously, I see dead people and this asshole did it." 

Now, some of you will claim that this was not his fault and that the drugs did him in.  What?  This out-of-mind character has been self-inflicted the moment he began taking the needle. This is all his fault.  Granted, the pressures of being a Wrestler is to be big and bigger.  However, shouldn’t there be a time to stop?  Shouldn’t there be a time where someone decides that his family is too important to lose?  He could have went into rehab, got his life together and live happily ever after, especially after the way his best friend died.  But he chose the coward path and there should not be any person here who can sympathize with a man who suffocated his 7-year old son, let alone choke his wife.

Last point, how spooky was this cat as he walked around the house, probably lifted weights, grabbed a drink or 6 and ate food with his wife and kids dead in the house?  I find that creepy as hell.  Nothing like forcing loved ones to fade out and then leaving them there for hours to chill.  Crazy.

- Can anyone honestly ‘make it rain’?  People can honestly ‘make you fired’, and that’s what Tank Johnson got.  Chris Henry - take notes on that.  And yes I know it is Pacman’s catch phrase.  Does it even matter?  We sit here in the midst of former players fighting for health safety and pension money for all the injuries endured on the field while these guys are taking the game for granted.  Football is not for the weak to say the least.

- Who is the best San Francisco Giant position player right now?  Probably Barry Bonds.  Where is the All-Star game being held?  San Fran.  Fitting that the man who’s gunning for the homerun record, legit or otherwise, may not be there.  In the end, Tony LaRussa will do the right thing and take him to the All-Star game.  It’s not like LaRussa has never had a junkie on the team. 

Speaking of Barry I was going to drop a post on why he isn’t the greatest hitter of all-time but I did not get around to it.  That said, here are the Coles Notes version (In Canada we call those books that help with Shakespeare "Coles Notes")…

1) Would the best hitter ever sport a career average of .299, especially after the BALCO-era numbers he has posted up?
2) Was he a better hitter in the 1990’s than Ken Griffey Jr, Albert Belle, Sammy Sosa, Juan Gonzalez or Frank Thomas?  Some of them yes, but if there is an argument to be made we have a confidence problem with Barry.
3) When does ‘best all around player’ translate to ‘best hitter ever’?
4) Even still, was there an argument to be made over the years over Griffey and Bonds?  Yes
5) Has he averaged over 100 RBI’s during his career?

Guys, I’ve only scratched the surface.  Barry Bonds is not the best hitter of All-Time.

- While I’m hot, looks like the Los Angeles Lakers are having a tough time obtaining Kevin Garnett.  Is that because the Lakers don’t have much to offer the Timberwolves?  Uh oh, looks like die-hard Laker fans who thought Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum would be enough to get KG were sorely mistaken.  Again.

- TOKEN HOCKEY TAKE: Daniel Briere or Chris Drury?  Answer: Thomas Vanek.  Vanek is a restricted free agent and if I am any team with cap space I take a run at him immediately.  This kid could endup a 50+ goal scorer multiple times and be more valuable to the team than the other two guys.  Are you willing to lose one of the best Left Wingers behind Alex Ovechkin over a couple of 30-year olds with only a couple good years left?  If I am the Sabres, my number one priority is to lock up Vanek.

- Until Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal meet up, I’ll only watch Men’s Tennis here and there.  Once they do not a point will be missed.

- Message to Golf fans everywhere: Never doubt Tiger Woods.  If you do, he’ll show you that you’ve made a mistake. 

WHAT’S THE DEELEY-O is tomorrow.  You know where to send your entry - it’s on the right side in my bio here.  Send before 11AM EST tomorrow and this whole show is devoted to you.  Hope you can check it out.  Cheers.

3 Comments

We were loaded this week from old school and new school folks coming in with their questions.  You all made it tough for me.  So, in chronological order, here’s who came in this week:

Smoketheblowfish:

Is it possible for you guys (Canadians) to mount a satellite dish on your igloos?

- Yes, but they won’t work since Igloo’s lack electricity and power. 

In Canada, is the word "Mountie" used more often as a noun or a verb?

- Definitely verb since we rarely ever see Mounties - EVER. 

  During
a June 9th game betwixt (yes, I used the word betwixt!) the Dodgers and
the BJ’s, Los Angeles security attempted to take the Canadian flag from
a fan.  This escalated to the point that the LAPD got involved. Dodgers
vice-president of stadium operations Lon Rosenberg said , "You’re
touching something that’s very emotional. If it was our flag, it’d be
the same way." Considering the fact that the LA flag is a picture of
Tommy Chong lighting up a chub while driving a Chevy, I’m sure this is
probably true.  

A) Where’s the love?

- Do I need to remind everyone about the "Lesbian" fiasco? 

B) Was this anti-Canadian or was it just plain stupidity?

- No, they are just trying to abide by the rules of their stadium.  Do you like sitting behind a person with a huge sign or a huge flag that blocks your view of the action on the field?  It sucks.  You can show off your Canadian pride without bringing a flag to a baseball game.  Not bringing a flag does not make you less of a Canadian if you happen to be one. 

Sasquatch: Fact, Myth or Vlade Divac just
getting lost in the Nunavut Territory for 5-6 weeks?

- Vlade would explain the Sasquatch situation.

Lisa4USC:

1- Since a lot of Canadians speak French, does that also mean the
strippers and hookers speak French? Also, do they accept Canadian
dollars only, or do they accept Euros? Would they ever consider taking
French Francs?

- Not many speak french very well.  I only know a few words or lines and some of them are appropriate.  They accept only Canadian bills since they know it won’t be less than 5 dollars. 

2- Do the Mounties ever get
"Saddle Sore", and if so, how do you tell the diff between an
undercover Mountie and a guy who likes to get mounted?

- An undercover Mountie is someone who doesn’t wear that damn uniform, so basically that’s an off-duty RCMP Officer. 

3- Is "hi" the same thing as "high" in Canada?

- No.  When has it ever meant the same thing? 

4- If you cry in February, do your tears freeze? Does drinking antifreeze really help during the cold months?

- No, they drink Beer to wash away the tears and if they do freeze it’s because the Toronto Maple Losers coughed up a 6-goal lead with 15 minutes to play. 

5- 
Another Winter question…..if you get blueberries served for
breakfast, is that a fruit or  body parts? ( I know there’s a shrinkage
factor during cold or wetness, so I was just wondering)

- Definitely fruit - We never have shrinkage when we’re along in our rooms. 

  6-  Besides Dallas, did Debbie ever do Markham?

- We don’t have that kind of ‘action’ in our neck of the woods.  However, if there ever was a pornographic studio it should be in Markham.

Miracle:

Dan did you tell Eric that he was missed during last
weeks segment? I wonder if his ears were burning, or
was he out because his “Scepter Muscles” were burning?

- Eric had a good laugh.  He knows he screwed up and he’s being really cool about it.  I give him credit for the way he has handled it.

Eric you must double wrap the Bishop when dealing
with some of Markham’s larger skankier ditch pigs.
Just so you don’t have to look it up:
Ditch pig n. An affectionate lighthearted epithet for
an ugly fat girl

- Eric certainly knows the deal.  He buys into the wrap up, pull out or don’t do it mentality.

I was reading a story about a drug bust in a Montreal
detention center, the arrested charges included drug
trafficking, breach of faith and gangsterism.

Three questions arise:
1. If a Canadian prisoner is caught concealing a
jelly doughnut between his butt cheeks or under his
Toque during bed check considered drug trafficking?
2. “Breach of Faith” is a really bad Charles Bronson
movie from 1997, is it really a crime in Canada to be
in possession of that movie? Could it be any Charles
Bronson movie? Will hiding a “Death Wish 3” VHS
between you butt cheeks during bed check get you even
more time in the lockup?
3. Gangsterism? What the heck is that? Does that
involve a group of hosers hanging out at the Doughnut
shop doing their best Joe Pesci impersonations?

1 - It’s considered a great meal…2 - Charles Bronson should have won Academy Awards for his work in "Death Wish"…3 - I would guess "Gangsterism" was invented by a Fox Blogger.  Insert guess where applicable.

FlyingPig (Who wrote some kind words prior to this and wants my dad to participate in one of these - only god knows why.):

So I’m watching "Last Comic Standing" last night and they have taken the
show international.  One of their stops was in Montreal.  So here’s my
question…Are there ANY funny people in Montreal?  Do all of the funny
Canadians like Jim Carey, Mike Myers, John Candy leave Canada and move to
the States?

- Yes.  There is no question that the funniest guys from Canada are in the US.  The most recent funnyman is Russell Peters. 

Don’t get me wrong…Canadians are funny even when they aren’t trying to be.
Sometimes I just take a drive over the boarder on a Sunday afternoon just to
watch Canadian fathers push their lawn mowers wearing sandals and black
socks pulled up to their knees with plaid shorts and striped shirts.  OR…I
go to a Canadian Dance Club and watch the Hosers do the "White Man Dance".
Hell…even the black Canadians dance like robotic white people.

- Dude, I wouldn’t know about the male dancers.  But you are right about the comedy.

Do all of the best paying jobs in Canada involve wearing a thong and
carrying a tiny little foot stool from table to table?

- I would assume not, but I bet the women and the questionable males tip very well at those establishments.

(90 minutes later)

I just got pulled into one of those long ass meetings that accomplishes
nothing except to plan more meetings to talk about the shit we couldn’t
decide on.  Do they have those kind of meetings in Canada?  I mean of course
they do in Canadian Parliament…but what about normal business like Molson
and Labbatts?

- Yes we do and they involve beer and lots of it.  A meeting cannot take place without Tim Hortons Coffee or a beer.

ShooterB:

- Dan, you may have missed it…but this week on the expletive blog
was all about the rhymes.  In honor of Smoketheblowfish’s return…here
are a couple of poems.   First off, "Ode to the Deeley-O"   A long time ago, the Deeley-O was born Just another internet time-killer, like hard-core midget porn Every single week, The Dan responds to us American hosers And though he’s polite, I’m sure he knows we’re just posers High quality on his show, you know it never lacked Don’t look now, but I think Burger King just got jacked Dan makes the trades, for some American cuties And in return, ShooterB always ends up with older worn-out booties Just like a fine wine, or a high-dollar ho If it’s satisfaction you want, always count on the Deeley-O     Next up, what is going on with Rosenhoser?  That guy has become the Kerry Wood of internet
radio.  Here’s a little poem that might explain why he’s absent so often.  I call it, "Where in the heck…is Rosenhek"?   Eric goes away…for way too long I had a funny feeling that something was wrong Then I saw a story about a stranded Canuck He got lost for several days, darn that hoser’s luck He was lost in the woods, with no food or clothes Poor Eric was naked, exposed down to the hose But he made it out alive, although he was a little sick Meet the new and improved news guy…Eric Frozenstick

- Absolutely impressive work Shooter.  Impressive indeed.

THE AFTERMATH

FlyingPig:

I’m sorry…I’m really confused.

Smoke the blowfish asked if you could mount a sattalite dish on your igloo?

You said yes you could.

MY QUESTION:  Wouldn’t your penis get stuck to the satellite dish ala
Ralphie’s tongue to the sign post in A Christmas Story?

- I sure hope I wear pants when posting the dish. 

(FP proceeded to tell me this was a ’sex with a large woman’ joke.  I completely got hosed).

Miracle:

With all of the slamming of Canada’s own Mounted
police on the show, do you fear for your safety on
the way out of the office?

If you get to the front door and hear horses and the
scent of powdered sugar you may not want to go outside.

- It’s almost 9PM and I’m still alive.  Guess the horses haven’t gotten here fast enough.

Cheers everyone.  Thanks for playing.  I’m not on tomorrow so I’ll be back Monday.  Have a great weekend.

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My first order of business is to take a shot at Fox Sports.

I was watching the Milwaukee v. San Francisco game this afternoon where a fan attempted to catch a foul ball with his bare hands.  He dropped the ball, much like several other human beings do when a foul ball goes their way.  For the rest of the inning they had the camera on the guy, goofing on him and showing the replay of the drop over and over again.  

Question for you: You ever try to catch a baseball hit by a major leaguer with your bare hands?  The average human being, man or woman, will have a tough time with it.  I bet the play-by-play man would not have caught it because he is a broadcaster for a reason.  Let me assure you that the duo in the booth was not funny or amusing about the situation, but even bigger than that…

This crew embarrassed an innocent man on National Television for no reason!

He simply went for a catch and he dropped it, and then you didn’t let it go.  I may not get offended by the words fuck, shit or cocksucker but what Fox Sportsnet did to this guy was out of line.  The display of the man dropping the ball several times and the conduct by the crew goofing non-stop was offensive and stupid.

Speaking of stupid, has Pacman Jones got the message to stay away from stripclubs?  Dude, you should be able to pick up normal women without having to drop a dime for a good time.  It’s a bigger turn on to see a woman you’d never expect to strip for you doing it in the privacy of your own home.  Had you come to this realization you’d be in a better situation with your career.  This is ridiculous.

What’s even more ridiculous is the situation with Kobe Bryant.  Do you honestly thing Chicago has what it takes to make this deal happen?  Doubt it.  Seriously, there aren’t many East teams that can make this deal.  If there was one team from the East that should be all over this is Washington.  Why?  They can get rid of Gilbert Arenas and if it also takes Caron Butler and Etan Thomas so be it.  Even that probably isn’t enough. 

I’d like to go on further but it’s time to get some sleep.  I’ll catch the All-Star Blogger Show tomorrow but in the meantime make sure you check out tomorrow’s show at www.chevradioam.com.  It’s your day, take advantage, and it’s What’s The Deeley-O.  Cheers.

13 Comments

After writing a special post to The Mom I feel it would be appropriate to drop a post for The Dad since today is Father’s Day.

The Dad was the man that introduced me to sports back when I was a very young boy. First he signed me up in a bowling league when I was 4 years old and then got me into baseball just a couple short years later. He was the one that got on me whenever I underperformed and would be the first one to tell me how proud he was whenever I had accomplished something. I owe my love for sports to The Dad - A passionate man who strived to succeed in everything he set his mind to. That kind of mentality certainly rubbed off on The Bro and myself not just on the sports side but in life.

It was The Dad that would sit me down to talk about any wrongdoings and settle everything accordingly. No matter how tough he was on his kids he made you feel like you could come to him with anything and talk with him. He commanded respect in the household and he did more than enough to earn it.

He was the one who sent me to baseball schools (Doyle Baseball and San Diego School of Baseball), and was the catalyst in molding his kids into some of the finest baseball coaches around.

To sum it up, The Dad would do some of the things The Mom would not, and vice versa.

Happy Father’s Day, The Dad.

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I don’t think my news guy, Eric, will ever live down the word "scepter" for the rest of his life.  Sometimes a guy slips and the fall lasts forever.  However, it was a bad slip and the carnage this week was pretty funny as we’re back to the traditional Deeley-O.

Miracle

Hey Hockey is over, do Canadians even care what
happens until next September?

- Unfortunately no. they don’t care.  In Toronto it’s still hockey talk during the summer and quite frankly, I don’t want to hear about hockey constantly.  It gets too much coverage during the summer.

Do beer sales spike before, during or after the NHL
season?

- They are equal.  Before the NHL season they are still depressed about not having hockey, plus they need to prep for the season.  During the season they have too many get-together’s with friends that they still drink a lot, and then they need to numb the pain of terrible defeat/celebrate the glory of victory when the season is done and over with.

Oh and due to a mix up in verbage from last weeks
Bizarro Deeley-O, I’d like to offer Eric the
following two definitions:
Sphincter Muscles:  is a muscular ring which
surrounds about 2.5 cm of the anal canal; its
inferior border is in contact with, but quite
separate from, the Sphincter ani externus.
It is about 5 mm thick, and is formed by an
aggregation of the involuntary circular fibers of the
intestine. Its lower border is about 6 mm from the
orifice of the anus.

Scepter Muscles: Nobody knows what the hell those
are, maybe something Sir Lancelot had from too much
sword fighting? (funny thing is that if you google
scepter muscles your blog is the first two hits)

For some reason Eric’s question from the Bizarro
Deeley-O referenced “Scepter Muscles” instead of
“Sphincter Muscles” Now that we’ve cleared up the
difference between those two terms, lets move on.

- Eric would appreciate that, hahahaha.

Is there currently a Canadian Mountie stationed at
the Burger King?

- I just sent a message to an old friend who is becoming an RCMP officer to demand a transfer in location immediately to that BK that gets jacked whenever I say it does.

Do those dudes really wear that Dudley Do Right outfit?

- They look like the Canadian from Due South.  Does anyone remember that show?

Do you think they have a problem with Scepter
Chaffing? Those things look like their made out of
wool and Moose fur, so it’s got to be hot and rough
on a Hoser’s Scepter.

- Like i said, Eric will never live this down.

ShooterB

Sorry, Dan…I just moved and don’t have computer access at home. 
So I missed the Deeley-O.  Either that, or I couldn’t take my eyes off
the Amanda Beard issue of Playboy.  

Just one
question, did you slap Eric Rosenhoser on the head for his "scepter
muscle" mistake?  Did he study at Hosers-R-Us University?  Did he skip
biology class because his parents didn’t want him to learn about
"naughty things"?  Just curious…

- It must have been the Playboy because you checked in with 3 minutes to spare.  Now, I did not slap Eric for the mistake and he graduated out of a very good University.  As for the bio class that may be up in the air.  If he did skip, wonder what kind of look the teacher gave him in his explanation of skipping the class.  It would be priceless.

What’s The Deeley-O is on every Thursday at 11AM EST.  You can hear it at www.chevradioam.com.  Thursdays are devoted to you, the bloggers.  So if you have anything you want to discuss that is the day to check into the show.
 

2 Comments

"Not only will Josh Towers lose the baseball game, he will give up a bomb to Barry Bonds…if he gets within a foot of the plate Bonds will put it in the lake." - The Dan, on his show yesterday morning.

Now, I was not correct with the part of the lake but when you get to watch the great Josh Towers as much as I do you become graced with the knowledge that allows you to make easy predictions like that one.  It still feels good to be right on the money sometimes, with the lake exception.  There I got extra cocky.  Oh well.

- Ichiro’s quote that he’d rather punch himself than go to Cleveland was absolutely hysterical.  Has this guy always been a total comedian or is this something he picked up while he was learning the angles in Center Field?  All I know is that was one funny line and he should come up with more gems for us to read.

- The fight woke Carlos Zambrano up.  That was something I called last week on my show as well.  Sometimes when guys are underacheiving they need to blow off some steam and do something like that.  Remember in 2002 when Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent got into a scrap in the dugout?  Well after that incident Kent started to catch fire and started hitting like the best player in the game.  I’m not suggesting that players who are underperforming should fight a teammate but sometimes guys need to do something to wake themselves up.  Randy Johnson did that in 1998 just before he was traded to Houston.  He was high and tight to Kenny Lofton, who still loves to bitch about pitches not even close to hitting him.  Unit was yelling that it was a slider (and it was), then was high and tight again which got him ejected, benches cleared and he was angry.  Right after that start Johnson was a machine and had an incredible second half.  I expect to see the same thing go down for a Zambrano who’s chasing a fat contract and wants to prove that he can keep himself together when the chips are down.

- The US Open is wide open this year in my mind.  With Phil’s wrist and Tiger’s lack of unquestionable dominance opens doors for the rest of the field to walk through.  I know I’ve talked about this already but the closer we approach the more I think there could be a US Open champion not named Phil or Eldrick.  As for Tiger, I wonder how the process of fatherhood has changed him?  Not to say that it has prohibited him from being focused on golf but this is a new thing for him and now he does not have his father to lean on for advice.  Then again, he could win the US Open and all the questions can be thrown out.

- Asante Samuel must be locked up by the New England Patriots in order to be the favourite to win the Super Bowl.  They have always had question marks on their secondary dating back to when Ty Law got injured during their 3rd and final championship title run of their dynasty.  Without Samuel, an injury to Rodney Harrison this season will prove costly.  This is not the wide receiver position where they can let a guy walk, this is defense where you can’t rely on others to step up and replace what Samuel brings to the table.  He’s also very young with a very bright future ahead of him which makes me think New England would be nuts not to sign him.

- Game 3 tonight between San Antonio and Cleveland, and I made a prediction today that Cleveland would jump out to an early lead and barely hang on to win.  Pretty far out there huh?  Well if there was any game Cleveland would steal it would be this one.  They have the fan support plus if LeBron drops 30 they have a chance to win the game.  This game will all hinge on how they can stop the big 3 on San Antonio from scoring and the role players on Cleveland stepping their game up.  The way the series has gone so far, this may be their only win of the series because San Antonio looks as hungry as ever. 

I know I’ve cracked Larry Hughes a lot despite his injured foot.  However, he has been dissapointing the entire season and has gotten worse with the injury.  Clearly somewhere down the line he was healthy and playing like horseshit.  Well at least he’s been consistent.

- Jerry Buss’ kid needs to drink some shut up juice and stop ruining things for his dad.

- I don’t care if JR Smith is 21, 16 or 40, you need to stop at the stop sign.  When you disobey the laws of the road you run the risk of doing serious damage to your car and whoever is inside of it.  Nobody knows what kind of automobile crash lies ahead of them but you are more likely safer in a vehicle when you obey the rules of the road.   You may blame it on youth, I blame it on irresponsibility and stupidity.  You don’t have to be older to know better, otherwise the laws of a 16 year old being a licensed driver would change to 18, 19 or even 21.  That won’t happen, so he should know better than to run a stop sign.

Now, because his friend is now dead there could be some problems down the road where he could be liable.  This reminds me of Dany Heatley of the Atlanta Thrashers.  Heatley was speeding along with his high performance car and hit a brick wall, killing his friend Dan Snyder.  The Snyder family pleaded to be lenient on Heatley and they were.  Will the law and the victim’s family be so forgiving for Smith?  Maybe, but there was a debate amongst a few people I know regarding both incidences and some feel Smith will be worse off than Heatley and racism could be one of many reasons.  That’s up to you to decide.

- Speaking of hockey, lots of people are throwing out the changes that need to be made for hockey to succeed.  Question is, if they get on a major TV network what will that do?  Will people all of a sudden start watching?  No, so why would a major network bother with the NHL when they know people won’t watch?  It would not make any sense for a TV company to give hockey the time or day to give them reasons why they should be on TV over shows that people may actually watch.  Little changes like pushing the nets back closer to the backboards like they did years ago and ending the season before June is a start.  But there are a lot of tweaks that must be made before anyone can take the game serious again.

Tomorrow is "Mail it in" Wednesday so if you have e-mails just send to chevradionoise@gmail.com.  Also, we have phone lines which I’ve been told works toll-free.  What’s The Deeley-O is back this Thursday so make sure you enter in.  Send your e-mail to the e-mail address above and ask all the wonderful questions you’ve always found odd, fascinating or confusing in regards to Canada or their relation with the US.  Cheers.

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In sports there is always a stopper somewhere.  A stopper can be considered a closer in baseball.  A stopper can be a basketball player who stops the opponent’s top scorer.  Or a stopper can be the guy who stops the other from winning an event.  My first paragraph will explain that…

- Roger Federer’s quest for his first French Open title was ’stopped’ by the man who’s clay court play is second to none in Rafael Nadal.  Not only was this victory significant for Nadal’s legacy on clay, it prevented Federer once again from completing the career and season grand slam.  Pretty difficult to win a match when you break your opponents serve only once.  But anyone that watched today’s final saw two great players at the top of their game go at eachother, and it was one of the best matches I’ve seen in a long time.  This was not a match where one guy completely melted down, this was one man beating the other despite some of the incredible shots both men had today.

Questions: How good would Federer’s career look if Nadal had either become a soccer player or did not improve on his mental game the way he has over the last few years…and how many titles could Nadal have won if Federer did not take up Tennis, and how many could he win if Roger were to retire today?  This shows the fierce rivalry of both competitors and the absolute dominance these guys have had in major championships.  The last 2 years has been dominated by both men, which calls for another Nadal v. Federer final come Wimbledon in a month.

- Is there any way to be thrown out of a vehicle other than not having your seatbelt on?

- Roberto Duran makes the Boxing Hall of Fame.  They should have put him in while he was still boxing.  Perhaps the greatest Lightweight Champion in boxing history. 

- Did someone say to bench Larry Hughes in favour of Daniel Gibson?  The question is why wasn’t that decision made during the New Jersey series?  Hughes has been worse than horrible.

- You know things are bad for the NHL when some rich skank going to jail overshadows your sport.   Now you bloggers can understand why the whole ‘how do you fix hockey’ question is one of the hardest questions to answer.  Even calculus says its tough to answer.

- There is less certainty about who’s winning the US Open in Golf.  This is a wide-open tournament without the Tiger charge winning any tournament in weeks and Lefty’s wrist problem.  Everyone else’s chances just went up.

- The New York Yankees just smoked the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Does this mean they are turning the corner?  No, but this may be the confidence-builder they need right now.  Even so, no team should be considered serious until they go above .500.  They still aren’t above .500 and at June 10 that is horrible. 

- Zab Judah’s recent loss may mean his career is over.  Then again, there are enough titles to go around so he may have another lifeline.  With everything that surrounds boxing and how ridiculous things are, there should be no surprise that Mixed Martial Arts has begun to take off.  

Listen to BTN with The Dan weekdays from 9AM-Noon EST on www.chevradioam.com.  Phone lines are wide open for you to check in.  Tune in for more details.
 

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You guys had too much fun with this.

Now the questions were on a previous blog but some gave us the courtesy of providing questions with their answers. That was NOT a requirement, but today’s participants will not be posted in Chronological order (as if it mattered).

FlyingPig (who addressed me by Daniel. He made me smile.)

Being the only one on the blogs (as far as I know) who is born of an
American Father and a Canadian Mother…Not to mention that I live so close
to the Detroit/Windsor Tunnel and get over to the British Colony of Canada
quite often…I will shed true light on your Bizarro Deeley-O.

1. Are Americans embarrassed that CFL balls are bigger then NFL balls?
DANNY??? We Americans are embarrassed about nothing. C’mon…we have Rosie
Odonnel and Paris Hilton!!! As far as the larger balls go. It’s kinda like
softball for the blind. They make the softballs really huge and put beepers
in them so the blind people can swing their oversized bats and hit the ball.
In Canadian football, they have to make the balls bigger so the less
talented players have a better chance to actually catch the football.
SEE…Simple!

2. On a given day, how many people get laid at Disneyland and Disneyworld?
On any given day there are an average of 62 people getting laid (31
couples). Additionally there are 12 lesbians who get stink on their fingers
and 18 homosexuals who leave magic mountain with a strong desire to brush
their teeth!!!

3. What’s with America’s fascination with scepter muscles? Wow…thanks
for letting me know. I had no idea that I was fascinated with scepter
muscles. What’s a scepter muscle?

4. Why is the Star-Spangled banner laced with an incredible amount of sexual
innuendo? (Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there, who’s
broad and we don’t want to know what is gladly streaming). Hey now…this
coming from a guy who’s national anthem only talks about "Standing on
Guard"? Are you standing at guard right now Dan? HEY ERIC…Is Danny
pitching a tent over there? Is his soldier at attention and standing on
guard for thee?

5. What is with your infatuation of reality television and Paris Hilton? Is
it because both suck? Hmmmm….My aunt from Tecumseh says that American
Idol is the most watched television show in Canada….So you’re asking us
why AMERICANS are infatuated with reality? I think we’ve all bought into
the reality television concept. The only problem with it now is that
producers are turning reality into contrived situations and taken the
"reality" right out of the show.

6. Why call it a bathroom where there is no bathtub anywhere in the room?
NO…Daniel…Here in the United States of America, we have indoor plumbing.
We actually have BATHROOMS where we can go to freshen up and take baths and
comb our hair, etc… Much unlike Canada where the "pisser" is against the
side of the house or in the snow bank in the driveway. I can’t speak for
everyone, but my "BATHROOM" has a very nice Jacuzzi bathtub.

7. Is WhiteCastle that good? You have never enjoyed the greasy goodness of
what we affectionately refer to as the "SLIDER"? There is absolutely NO
CURE for a night of over drinking like a sack of five with crinkle fries.
Anyone who says differently has never drank themselves to the phase of
drinking just before "beer coma". PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you ever
find yourself dealing with a person who is about to enter into a beer coma.
Find the Castle and shove 4 sliders down his/her throat as quickly as
possible. I SWEAR it will work…OH, and then just make sure you stay near
a "BATHROOM" (One with a toilet) the following day.

8. TRADE ALERT: We have a dandy of a deal. Since you guys are looking to
win the 2008 Summer Olympics in basketball I would trade you back Steve Nash
and I’ll throw in Shania Twain and Donald Sutherland for LeBron James,
Carrie Underwood and James Cromwell. That way Donald can play Kiefer’s dad on "24".

You know, ShooterB started something bad here. He attempted to
trade some of our finest without permission. I had to step in and VETO a
few of those trades. So here’s the deal. Shania Twain was NEVER that hott
and we don’t want her. Donald Sutherland has already been embalmed and
Steve Nash will eventually (If he hasn’t already) apply for U.S.
Citizenship….Not to mention that he lives here year round anyway. If
you’re going to propose a trade, please don’t insult us.

- FP will be a pissed employee when he finds out his boss agreed to the deal.

Miracle

First off I would like to thank our Canadian brothers
for being good sports and playing along. Now that’s
enough of that sentimental stuff, on to the Hoser
question and answers.

1. I never really noticed the size of the Canadian
balls, larger balls are not always a good thing.
2. First off we need to clarify the definition of
“Get Laid”
a.Verb1.get laid - have sexual intercourse with
b.BJ on the tea cup ride
c.Dry humping Minnie Mouse character from behind
d.All the above

3. scepter muscles? If I google it and come up with
nothing it’s hard to come up with a witty response.
4. Our founding fathers were some perverted freaks.
If you look on the credits for the song you’ll notice
that the “Trouser Trumpet Trio” performed it for the
Canadian king multiple…..oh that’s right you don’t
have a king.
5. I seem to remember Canada stealing the same crappy
reality shows from British television. “Canadian
Idol” ring a bell?
6. Have you hosers never taken a whore bath in the
sink? Or washed your feet off in the toilet?
7. White Castle is really good if you’re either
a.Drunk at 3:30am
b.Constipated

8. Let’s break down that trade:
Steve Nash for LeBron James, done

Donald Sutherland for James Cromwell, if I have to
google James Cromwell to find out who the hell he is,
he must not be that important. And Kiefer’s dad is
cool as hell, done.

Shania Twain for Carrie Underwood, have you been
smoking bacon?
Pushing 50 lip syncing chick for Young, Hot, chick
with low mileage.
That part of the trade won’t happen.

Maybe if you throw our favorite pole handling college
chick Allison Stokke in you may have a deal.

- Sorry, Allison can barely walk right now but I will relay the message to her.

MeanDovine - who was so jacked up for one question that’s all he wrote.

7. Is White Castle that good?

Absolutely! Whenever I go home to Chicago, I always fly into Midway
Airprot because there is a White Castle restaurant only two blocks
away. Which ever family or friend picks me up already knows that the
first stop must be White Castle. I usually pick up a 6 pack of
cheeseburgers and fries, minus the onions. Nonetheless, ten minutes
into the trip the car windows have to come down as the sliders are in
full effect. If ever you’ve got trapped gas, forget the antacids. Get
a hold of some White Casstle burgers. They’ll do the trick every time.

- Funny, I stayed at a hotel right by the Airport but since Harold and Kumar did not come out in 1994 I would have known nothing about WhiteCastle back then. But I had some ridiculous thick-crust pizza that gave me my first wet dream.

ShooterB (checks in at 10:59AM EST)

Sorry to be so ridiculously late with these, Dan. You know I have
a good excuse. I was trying to watch tennis highlights last night and
clicked on the channel that said "French Open". Well, I was wrong…it
was actually a lesbian porn called "Frenching the Opening". But after
8 hours of viewing, I’m ready for the Deeley-O. Let me try to answer your questions: "1. Are Americans embarrassed that CFL balls are bigger then NFL balls?" Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it right now.

"2. On a given day, how many people get laid at Disneyland and Disneyworld?" Almost
all parents get laid on Disney trips. I haven’t been there since I was
about 10, but I have this traumatic memory of seeing two old people
gettin’ down while on the "It’s a Small World" ride.

"3. What’s with America’s fascination with scepter muscles?" What’s with Canada’s non-fascination with them? "4.
Why is the Star-Spangled banner laced with an incredible amount of
sexual innuendo? (Gave proof through the night that our flag was still
there, who’s broad and we don’t want to know what is gladly streaming)." If you could raise your flag all night, wouldn’t you be proud too?

"5. What is with your infatuation of reality television and Paris Hilton? Is it because both suck?" For
the same reason that you can’t look away from a good trainwreck. If
Paris Hilton was an intelligent, well-spoken, professional
lady…nobody would know who she was. But since she meets the
qualifications of every male in America (blonde, stupid, willing to get
naked with minimal effort)…she’s our sweetheart

"6. Why call it a bathroom where there is no bathtub anywhere in the room?" Because the term "crap-box" never quite took off.

"7. Is WhiteCastle that good?" I may be the only American that has never tasted a Whitecastle burger. So I’m also curious what the fuss is all about.

8.
TRADE ALERT: We have a dandy of a deal. Since you guys are looking to
win the 2008 Summer Olympics in basketball I would trade you back Steve
Nash and I’ll throw in Shania Twain and Donald Sutherland for LeBron
James, Carrie Underwood and James Cromwell. That way Donald can play
Kiefer’s dad on "24".
This was a tough one for me, but I’ll have to vote "yes". Steve
Nash is a great player, but we’ve figured out his secret formula. Find
a white guy that looks like a treasure troll, feed him insane amounts
of caffeine…and watch him go!

Shania
vs. Carrie…well, Shania may be a bit older…but that’s OK. I think
Carrie Underwood will be as big as Rosie O’Donnell in another 5 years
or so. And even though there’s nothing wrong with a lady that’s "Large
& In Charge"…Shania can put her boots under my bed anytime.

- I will certainly think before deciding to cheat. Wonder if Tony Romo’s car has been busted up?

The podcast can be heard at http://chevpodcasts.blogspot.com/. The show is being replayed as we speak (5-8PM EST). Check it out if you can. Cheers.

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